It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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