I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
