Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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