She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You need Xanax blowdarts
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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