you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
