It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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