Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
