i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
