last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
