my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
