she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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