Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
