I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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