Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize