god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
