I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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