we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
