Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
