I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
