she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
