dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
