He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
