all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
