I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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