I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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