Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
