dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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