So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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