There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize