I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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