garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize