he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I CAN MOONWALK!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
