chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
