he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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