If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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