i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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