Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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