with your own penis?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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