I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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