Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
