If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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