Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize