Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
