this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
