i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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