it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
