i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize