Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
