I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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