You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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