i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
