it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
