i would punch a child for taco bell
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
