Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
