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Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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