i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
