pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
