I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
