my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
