Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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