Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
