the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Two words: nipple clamps
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