there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
