Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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