When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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