Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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