I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
they're like a gay fantastic four
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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