i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Shame - the story of my life.
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