i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
