this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
