Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize