he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
