He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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