i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
