Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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